Wow — the world's scientists and engineers have been scratching their heads about this for decades. But you, [Andrew/Peter/Alan], a retired [geologist], have blown this whole thing wide open.
Please fill out this form with all the details of your discovery. The world's energy experts need to know ASAP. All of the information in the form below will be immediately sent to all NASA, MIT and Harvard scientists. There will inevitably be statues built in your honour, so you better begin preparing for the media frenzy right now.